five ideas a day 2011-15: June 2015

6/30/15

This ones the best one

1. Just quit and stop doing everything.

2. Just quit and stop doing everything.

6/29/15

1. Edible rock candy keys for 1 time use

2. Robotic rollers on desk that dump everything into the trash every night.

3. Trash pit in the middle of your living room.

4. Sucka - A movie about a lolly pop.

5. Roller blades with hollow stash-spot wheels

6/28/15

NOISE

1. Strawberry flavored Key chains

2. Oatmeal filled couch cushions

3. Rocket booster shoe roller blades.

4. Animal shoes. line of intricate animal shaped shoes. Many different animals.

5. Mushroom flavored cigarettes.

6/27/15

ahhhhh

1. Hockey sticks that have space in the shaft to hold extra hockey pucks.

2. Secret compartment computer mice to hide things inside.

3. Crushed beer can wall paper (just nail them to your wall and eventually it will be wall paper)

4. Hot water dispenser fingers - plastic surgery procedure

5. Hot coffee soup.

6/26/15

maybe maybe

1. Blood ink pens - refillable anywhere, just jab and wait for your blood to fill the pen.

2. Mini hats for your pens to wear.

3. Genetically engineered christmas trees that grow ornaments.

4. Give a wild animal $500 in an attachable vel-crow pouch.

5. Wet pockets. Made with slimy fabric.

6/25/15

Rough DAIIE

1. #CabinPorn coffee table book

2. Stash spot hollow human bones to surgically replace real bones with.

3. Rainbow ice cream slip and slide.

4. Water slide public transportation instead of busses.

5. Hot water dispensers at bus stops in winter time.

Moss wall paper

1. Grass sidewalk

2. Moss sidewalk

3. Grass indoor carpet

4. Apple tree carpets

5. Moss wall paper

Post Apocalypse - Ditto Bar - Random Titles?

1. Antler Handel bars

2. Antler Plow

3. Bone bike - bike from made out of bones.

4. Hollow water filled helmet.

5. Watermelon air tank.

Towel Cape

1. Hammock jacket.

2. Shoes with inflatable rafts that come out of the souls.

3. Camel back hats

4. Beer cans with breathalyzer attached.

5. Towel Cape

What the fuck!

1. A contest where people look for a ringing cell phone somewhere in the city.

2. Use a text conversation from the past 3 months to make a screen play with.

3. Velcro on the bottom of socks and inside of shoes for traction.

4. Shoes thst excrete lube on bottom when needed to do cool slides while you are walking.

5. Coffee tables with a hole in the middle to place a potted plant inside.

... And here's a picture about religion:

6/16/15

Pictures! You love pictures!

1. Street lockers - @ bus stations. (for terrorists and drug dealers to use ;)

2. Maple Eggies (below)

3. Use a canoe as a snow sled.

4. Car brand that has a printer/copy machine in trunk. (like a 5 disk cd changer)

5. Panic protection. A app that automatically assigns an '!' on txt messages when your heart is beating fast.

6/14/15

1. Scrambled eggs

2. Diced onions

3. Tomato

4. Kale

5. Tahini sauce

6/13/15

Dinner @ my parents

Photo & ideas from Quintassi Coincidence

1. Bike tires with treads designed to make sound

2. Body coolers (like hand warmers but opposite) for hot days (like Ice but cooler(more stylish))

3. Bandanna that slowly releases cold water

4. Bike seat vibrators

5. Pedal foot massage

6/12/15

My broken thing is broken... Damnit.

1. Pillow phones - for talking on the phone when your in bed.

2. Car honks that can direct the sound to the specific idiot you are trying to communicate to.

3. Cars that have only a certain amount of honks allotted before the honker gives out and stops working. Use them sparingly... They are not unlimited!

4. Lazy rivers instead of streets.

5. Ping pong ball with different tones (specific musics notes) when they hit. Musical balls!

6/11/15

Roman Candle

1. Pizza French toast. (Soak day old pizza in eggs then cook)

2. Rubber car interior, leather car tires.

3. Gravel car roof.

4. A company that makes bike tires out of recycled car tires.

5. Glass steering wheel.

6/10/15

Love Life

1. Hot air balloon house.

2. Tattoos that can be turned on or off.

3. A device that can determine what kind of animal poop you are looking at.

4. A House made to be able to conjoin rooms when needed. (Like an extendable table)

5. Colorful rice marketed to children.

6/9/15

Fuck Life

1. Bike handle grips/ bike light combo.

2. Clear bike frame with lights inside.

3. Bike peddle/ bike light combo.

4. Fill a water bottle with paint, turn it upside down , open the top. Bike around creating a trail of paint so your friends can follow your path.

5. Flying bike. Linus Kangas

5B. Get a free surly back bike rack if you get 1-3rd place @ sol 31 - June 21st.

6/8/15

Getting better

1. Roll up cell phones.

2. Tree house camp sites connected by zip line.

3. Bug playgrounds - play grounds with nets over them - containing many different bugs that don't bite for kids to play with.

4. Bandaids for trees for when they have been wounded.

5. News papers that automatically post articles with most likes from online. No censorship only likes determine what will be printed and distributed.

6/7/15

She spat

She spat.

Crunching her lips together and puckering, she waited for the tingle of saliva to excrete from the innards of her tung.

She spat ferociously trying to expel the taste from her now soap infested talking hole.

She could communicate without words too.

If she needed it.

Shaking her head back and forth vigorously motor boating the air she sprayed a fine mist from her lips. Catching the sun for a brief moment a beautiful rainbow showed the entire spectrum of colors.

Back to the dishes.

6/5/15

Zeal!!!!!

1. Flyers paper that heats up when handed out.

2. Coffee mugs with a mini coffee fountain in the middle.

3. A program that randomly puts in 2 weeks notice via email to your boss with out you knowing when.

4. Underwater computers for scuba divers.

5. Mist makers that spray you in the face when you get too close to my fence.

6/4/15

Throat Note

1. A cable channel that is solely a live feed of what a wild animal is currently seeing and doing.

2. Job swap - a day when most everything is fucked up, most everywhere.

3. A game where you can add or subtract elements such as people, weather or social situations. Set the situations and see how evolution progresses.

4. Bike pulled traveling insect zoo.

5. Surgically implanted happiness dashboard - knows you're high and low dopamine levels.

6/3/15

Dick man

1. A pill that can be broken up in 24 parts. Each portion makes you sleep for 1 hour.

2. A scanner that can scan your current thought.

3. A website for complainers.

4. A special College for people who want to smoke cigs in class.

5. Instant Tye dye mix powder.

6/2/15

1. Party noise makers for your nose.

2. Streets made from materials that make music when you drive on them. Street name: Beat Street

3. Dragon zoo!!!!

4. Butt kazoo.

5. Package delivery. By dog.

FULL MOON STORIES EVERY FULL MOON ON FIVEIDEASADAY.COM

Part One

Jessicas Phone

She awoke to the sound of her phone binging off another text message. Rolling over and plopping her hand down perfectly on top the black rectangle without pre gaze, she lifted the phone high above her head looking up towards the ceiling to scan the screen and simultaneously elongate the space between her shoulder blades and stretch her back back to earth.

‘Poetic’

She said in response to the piddle drunkenly sent into space and back only to be so…

‘cliche’.

Throwing off the covers and rolling out of bed, Jessica threw her phone with back spin across the soft surface of the bed with a force she had not intended. Toppeling in cartwheels across the puffy white quilt over and down to the cement floor.

She stood thinking that her phone had survived much worse this before... but maybe this was worthy of a momentary panic.

‘Eeiihhh!!’

She screeched like her aunt. She hated when she did that.

Diving with arms out-stretched across the bed and shuffling on her chest to peer over the side of her eloquent 600 dollar Ikea frame and mattress to the floor below, only to find what she had been dreading.

Shambles.

Her phone was in shambles. No more text messages back and forth to space, no more quickies in the bathroom with Ricky Martin, no more nothin because...

Jessica’s phone was broken.

Part Two
Jessica's Phone

"It's fine." she thought ,"I need a break any way"

She sat up and rolled over, letting her feet dangle at the edge of her bed. Leaning forward, her body lurched and she groaned, slowly half sliding and half hopping to her feet.

Her ankles cracked and her knees responded as she stood up and stretched her arms up over her head. Making a cat like sound and emitting a small yawn she twisted her torso back and forth.

Rubbing her eyes she walked alongside her bed, turned at the corner of the frame and headed to the bathroom.

She walked into the small, cold bathroom and shivered as her toes and feet flattened themselves against the tile. Positioning herself in front of the sink, she switched on the light (a pull string next to the mirrored medicine cabinet).

Giving herself a few seconds to let her eyes adjust to the light, she looked up into the mirror...

Part Three
Jessica's phone

'Oh my fuuuccckkkiiinng god.'

Her face. It was hideous.

Looking in to the mirror as if it were a goats vagina she screeched yet again.

‘Eeiihhh!!’

Today was totally messed up. Turning on the shower while tending to her mangled face the mirror began to steam and the face looking back at her started to fade. Wiping the white from the glass she stared back at her self momentarily as the smokey water covered her back up like a shaken etchasketch.

Taking a deep breath then pushing the air out of her lungs while constricting her mouth she made a noise that can not be depicted in letters.

'Noise that can't be depicted with letters'

Pulling her pajamas down her legs on to the cold tile she pulled off her t-shirt placed it on the floor, then pushed both items neatly with her feet to the far side of the bathroom near the door.

Parting the shower curtain and entering the steamy pod she disappeared into the fog like a magician commanding a puff of smoke.

'Uggggggggg'

Today was gonna suck.

Part Four
Jessica's Phone

As she stepped into the pod and closed the curtain she let the steam roll over her body and pull it downward. The feeling of gravity was a welcome one--for what started out as a strange and stressful morning. First her phone, then finding a melty-goat face staring back at her in the morning was not what she had expected...though, she mused--if her phone hadn't been trashed she would have posted a Selfie on Facebook.

Katrina had something like this happen once...what did she do? She woke up--and there was a wiry, harry catface staring back at her--or wait? Was that Hermione in the girls bathroom in Harry Potter and the...whatever.
I'll deal with it" she thought flatly.

Jessica reached for the bar of soap on the left side of the pod when she heard a distinct "splat!" on the wet floor. She looked down and there was a oozy fleshy piece of goat's cheek, slowly flowing into the drain. "Ooohh yeah..." she remembered,"that's how it works". She looked up into the shower, closed her eyes and pressed her face into the hot water. "splat! splat! plop! plop! plop!" and pieces of flesh slowly began dripping from her face and landing in uneven pieces and piles on the pod floor...

Part Five
Jessica's Phone

Having successfully avoided any more references to reproductive structures, the ploppings and splattings gurgled down the pod's drain. Jessica gave her face one final rinse & exited the steamy womb. "Whoops!" she whooped & giggled to herself, "I'll bet it's the moon."

The big fluffy towel dried her & came away unsullied. One glance in the quickly cleared mirror confirmed her hopes & the fact that she had her own face back. She padded back to her bedroom & opened her laptop with which she proceeded to update her status to "-feeling HUMAN AGAIN," & just for the hell of it added ‪#‎agoatnomore‬.

In the refrigerator there was only feta, & two eggs.

Part Six
Jessica's Phone

Later that day at lunch.

A friend cracked a joke at her for eating raw eggs and feta crumbles.

'The hits just kept on comin'.
She said under her breath.

Her friend made a mean face at her, then walked away.

frown emoticon

A guy sneered at her for taking too long at the copy machine.

frown emoticon

And then...

The worst thing in the world that could possibly happen happened...

Part Seven - Alternate Ending 1
Jessica's Phone

'Beeeeeeeeeepppppp'

This was the sound of the old PA system booting up.

'Crackle crackle'

Stopping mid step on her way to the computer lab to upload another stress selfie, Jessica looked up at the little white box on the wall and it began to speak.

'...... Ahhh... Ex... Excuse me.... Hello... Is this thing working.....'

This was just great. She only had another 10 minutes of lunch to get to the computer lab, find a computer, open photobooth, take 33 pictures of her self, then upload one or six of them in quick secession to her wall.

This could be important. She stood motionless.

'Today, there has been an act of terrorism that has effected the entire world....'

They rarely turned this thing on.... And they said 'terrorism'. She looked around the room.

'It has resulted in the death of hundreds of thousands virtual lives.'

Padding her right, left, back left and back right pockets quickly looking for her phone she was re-reminded of her phones misfortune earlier that day.

'Facebook has crashed. Forever'

Now this was just about too much. Jessica had had quite a day... And now THIS!

This was her life that this little white box was talking about!

' This was Jessica's perfect little virtual life! '

She clasped her hands over her mouth. Had she just referred to her self in the 3rd person out loud?

Did Jessica just shriek loudly like a crazy person!? Looking around the room, the people were no longer staring at the little white box...

They were ALL staring at HER.

'Stop looking at me!!!!'

Jessica yelled, pivoting 180 degrees and bolting for the door she ran through grey carpeted halls, down the stairs, through the lobby doors, in to the lobby, through the exterior doors, then out side across the side walk and in the street.

Falling to her knees, and stretching her hands to the sky Jessica shrieked at the top of her lungs.

'AhHhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!'

'AhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhhh!!!!!!!!'

'Deep Inhaling sounds'

'Ahhhhhhhhh'

Jessica put her face to the ground.

She could see all the little tiny black rocks that made up the road.

She could see the minute details of the cracking yellow lines.

She could feel the warm asphalt and the gritty texture.

Jessica could feel.

'Beeeeeeeeeeepppp...thud.'

-
The end