1. Go to somewhere small where there are no big cities. Get a place to live and start convincing the people there that you can do magic. Eventually you can become their king and start a cult!
2. Make your own currency and trade it for US money.
3. Put foot straps on the roof of your car and have friends ride it like a snowboard.
4. Keep writing, you might be on a roll!
5. Eat a worm. Then try to tell the story about it to someone. Try to not stop talking for fifteen minutes.